Papa's Wisdom

{From the archives of Connie's letters, November, 2011}

Part 1

Good morning Ladies,,,,

Ya know lately i have felt so much peace..i got to
thinkin of Papa..I talked to Johnny on the phone yesterday evening,,God
knows i have felt so bad about his divorce and remarriage...It has ripped
my guts out...But i can hear Papa say,,,"Now Connie,,John isnt the first
guy to ever get a divorce,,Ya gotta love him where he is at".. Oh man it
isnt that i dont love him..Its just that i feel for the family he left
behind...I can hear Papa say.."Well you believed in me when i was
crazy,,you can believe for John too"..Oh yes that was always the rules
around here,,You had to love the prodigal child the most ..Oh mercy ,,,John
called yesterday..His wife will be delivering my grandchild pretty soon
here,,i am happy to have this baby boy..i know Papa is smiling in
Heaven,,Oh that man loved his kids and his grandbabies..But if you were a
mouse in my house and heard my conversation with John you wud have only
heard me laughing,,I love Johnny no matter what he does..He has been out of
work ,,but found a good job just yesterday,,While John was looking for a
good job he worked at this Irish restaurant,,I am, laughing as i write
this,,Well everyone in the restaurant was Spanish speaking,,Well John was
the cook and cudnt understand what they were saying,,Well John is a stand
up comedian anyway,,But to put him in an Irish restaurant with only Spanish
speaking people..? Well he has enuf things to laugh about for yrs,Yesterday
as he left the restaurant the manager said "Are you coming back tomorrow"?
John said "Well not if i dont have to..if i have to i will be back" The
manager said "Oh well most people dont come back"....But John assured the
guy he wud only come back if he was desperate..But when John got home he
found out he had this good paying job at this plastic company ...A branch off
of where John used to work before..Its a good job,,i praise God..Anyway ya
know? i can laugh with John because he is not my problem...He is the Lords
man..i know i cant change anyone and make them do what i want,,I mean if
your child is young and under your roof,,you have to make them behave,,But
when our kids get older it is the Lord that teaches them,,MaryL my mentor
taught me this..i cant stay mad at my kids because they dont do what i
say,,i wont distance myself from them,,I walk with them thru the valley of
the shadows..and Jesus walks with me,,MaryL taught me to love my children
unconditionally...See Satan wants us to let go of our kids and stand back
and not give them our hearts..But all we do when we do that is to
disconnect them from the real answer Jesus Christ..Jim used to tell
me.."Well our kids arent any worse then anyone elses kids.." He hated it
when i was out of sorts with one of our kids..Even if he knew they were
wrong he wud stand up for them,,He figured that since they had a Christian
praying mother that they wud be ok,,He didnt think very highly of
himself..But Jim thot that i wud some how pray them thru..But some how i
leaned on Jim and he gave me back to Jesus..

Part 2

But oh how i miss Papa... i mean we cud be in the worst mess ever,,And i
wud be about ready to faint..And Jim wud say to me,,"Oh we will be alright
Connie"..i wud say,,"Are ya sure Jim"? and he wud say "I am sure "..And he
wud say..."We have been thru more than this and made it"..And ya know if
Jim said that to me i wud believe him,..He wud be outta work...And he wud
say,,"Ya know i will work at a temporary place until i find something
better," It wud be evening and we had worried all day..But come evening
Papa wud shut the house down,,He wud turn on the News and tell me "Connie i
am hungry whats for supper"? In other words he was saying "i dont wanna
talk about this anymore.." And i wud get peaceful and i wud go out to my
kitchen and make Hamburger gravy or Creamed Eggs,,And i wud make biscuits
and i opened up a can of green beans and wud heat them up..And we wud
enjoy this meal in peace...We wud watch tv later on ,,and we didnt talk
about our worries..When Jim closed the discussion then that was it,,But of
course i prayed about it to the Lord.And this is what we need to do,.,,Our
husbands cant change things only God can,,So there is no success in arguing
with our husbands,,But then Papa wud go out the next morning and find some
temporary job waiting for his luck to turn around,,Papa wud talk about LUCK
and i wud say "Not Luck Wildman ,,it Gods blessings.."......Anyway as Jim
wud go out the door the next morning he wud say..."Well pray for me
Connie" i wud say " Oh i will"..i am thinkin ,, "Well yeah"!!!!But Jim wud
come home with some job,,about mid morning,,He wud say ,,"Well its not that
good but it will keep food on the table" And it did...And we lived on this
way for many yrs.My security was never in how much money i had in my
purse,,it was in Jims spirit ..He was the priest of our home,,And i felt
that if Jim said "All is well" then it was..even tho it didnt look too well
to me...i felt that if he said it was ..it was...And this freed me to go on
about my business as wife and mother and keeper of the home..Jim didnt
want for me to carry burdens,,In a way Jim protected me so that i cud hear
the Lord..He treated me as tho i was gifted..And he knew he needed my
prayers,,But i needed Wildman as much as he needed me..

Part 3

And ya know...we never fought over who got what..If there was an over flow
of money some how,,?Jim wud want me to get new shoes or a new coat..And i
wud say "No Honey you use the money on yourself.."I guess its just that we
had been to hell and back...and we just wanted things for each other..i
think we just felt compassion for each other..Well when the kids were young
we put their needs ahead of ours..In the last few days i have told the Lord
as i have since Jim died..."Lord i am so glad i cud take this burden of
being alone without my mate,",i cudnt stand it if i was to think i was
leaving Jim alone." Jim wud be so lonely ..i just cudnt bare it.."This was
a burden that one of us wud have to bear,,i dont feel i did enuf for
Jim...or showed him enuf love..So i am glad to bear this loneliness and
suffering for my husband..It is the last act of love i cud do for my
beloved ...i cudnt let Mary die either,,i loved her so..but oh Papa adored
Mary,,i cudnt have let her go for Papas sake too....And oh he loves Johnny
like Mary .,i wont let him go either for Jims sake..Well he loved all 6 of
the kids with all of his heart,,Each one meant something different to both
of us,,i had one miscarriage..And Papa wrote about it in our Family
Bible.He hated losing that baby..Oh how we cried together for another
baby,,And then we had Mary..Papa was getting old as we were having the
final 3 babies..And oh how he wished that his life had been right when he
had the first 3.."I was a fool" he wud say,,,"But Connie prayed for me and
God heard her prayin".. Oh i wudnt have had it any other way,,i loved Jim
and prayed for him for my own sake,,I cudnt live without him...At 19 yrs
old i married my Jim and he was 25 yrs old..And we started a journey
together..and we were married almost 40 yrs..love connie

 

* Order Connie's book, "Dear Kitchen Saints," available on Amazon. It is autobiographical and tells the beautiful story of her marriage testimony!*