Sunday, November 30, 2014

Why Me Lord - Faith to Start Again

{From the archives of Connie's letters, October, 2014}

Part 1 (Start Again)

Dear Mothers, Ya know in my early days of walking by faith was hard..ya know ?and a i cud never try to keep the old faith i already had....and add to it..No the Lord wud have me to start again..Ya know when Jim got more time in prison ..i got it too....It was hard to look at the fact that i had already waited 6 yrs and he still wasnt healed ..and now the judge adds another 10 yr sentence..Here i was pregnant ..sitting with Jill listening to the judge announce another 10 yrs..Jill was with me ..i bowed down as if i was to faint..and Jill says "connie dont give up"..Thanks Jill...yes i wud have given up..I wud go home and cry out to God and my regular chant was..."Lord all of the real criminals never get caught" i wud try to announce to God that surely this was all so unfair.."why God why"...The heartache and pain nearly split me in half..and finally i wud pray and ask God to heal our family..God never said to me " Make something out of your old faith..No..He wud say "Connie start again.." It seems that when we are new believers we open our hearts completely to God..We ask for something and we wholly receive it..But as we go on as a believer we open up a smaller part of ourselves to Him..We some how dont trust Him ..We cry out to God.."Father it has been so long..How much longer Lord"..And folks tell us to trust in Him..We think that God has hurt us can we trust in Him? How can we trust in God ... we have only seen heartache ?

Part 2  (Why Me, Lord?)

Of course Jim got a lesser sentence because of good behavior..But still it was extra time..I felt that yrs was taken off my life.. that my 20s were stolen from me...And the believers were out havin a good time...Not seemingly paying for their sins..prospering as they went..!!! And here i was praying and crying and winning souls for Christ..The Lord knew my heart..He knew i hadnt seen any blessings yet..Only heartache..He understood that..So when Jill drove me down to get Jim for the last time i was hysterical with fear that this was not going to work out..i never told Jill i was so fearful. And the Lord spoke to me..."Connie what if this is the time for your miracle to come... The Lord said "What if The Word of God is true "? What if the miracles are true and really available as I have told you? "..i think i just trusted in Him one more time.. Bells and whistles didnt go off when i told God i wud trust Him again and start over again,,,No...but God knew ..the beginning from the end..and God gave me 25 yrs of Joy with Jim ..i was only 32 when Jim got healed and i got to have 3 more children,,,Blessed are those who believe but have not seen,,,i was so blessed for not giving up ..He is a rewarder to those who trust in connie

* Order Connie's book, "Dear Kitchen Saints," available on Amazon. It is autobiographical and tells the beautiful story of her marriage testimony!* 


Julie Filter said...

Hey Connie, I can feel the emotions behind these words and this season of your past. I'm glad that you came out of such a hard time with a renewed and strong faith. What an inspiration =0). Shalom!

JES said...

Wow, what an encouragement for us woman with our struggles! To hear the finished and glorious story from a suffering wife is an amazing testimony. Thank you so much for sharing each week on the Art of Home-Making Mondays Connie!


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