Ya know i have told you all many times how when Jim got saved it was a new life for us,,Jim wanted to just care for his family and do what was right,,He struggled a lot with his bad temper and his jobs,,But he some how kept working ..at many different jobs,,Ya know by the time he was really healed i was a basket of missing marbles,,i had my own demons of fear to battle,,And i couldn't very well ask him to pray for me as i didn't want to reveal my fear that he would leave again,And i wasn't able to tell others either as they were wondering if he was really healed this time too,,So i suffered a really lonely Hell on earth,,i cud tell no one but Jesus ,,And finally He set me free of my fears,,And Jim was truly healed by the blood of Jesus.
This morning as i thought of Mother Theresa i thought of how i too had to lay down my life for Jesus ..,,i knew i cud wreck Jim's healing had i revealed the terror i felt inside,,i knew God had done a work and i knew i cud make or break the miracle,,God was building me a spiritual house to bless my family..Cud i live in it,,and have the 3 more children He had promised me,,? I chose to walk as Mother Theresa did.
i saw myself as a missionary in my home..i had worn my hair sort of long and layered,,feathered ya know ..But i decided to let it grow and i wore a bandanna around my hair,,i kept it clean and brushed but hidden so i wouldn't be worried about it,i was busy let me tell you,,i cooked mostly from scratch,,Well i have told you how we went off all government help,,i went from having 500 bucks a month to having 200 a month to spend on food,,But i had counted the cost of the life i had decided to live ..And some how i decided i wouldn't turn back,,And this meant not buying new shoes for myself for yrs,,i was so busy at home i never knew what was going on in the neighborhood, ,or with friends or anything, But i had decided to be a missionary in my home,,i put down what i wanted and exalted the Lord,,i put my needs last,,We had so little ,,What kind of mother would ask for something when her little ones needed warm snowsuits for winter? i remember praying for warm socks and mittens for them,,But should i have said “Well God wants me to have the best of everything.. i am not living like this,,living poor is for the unbeliever” Heck no ,,God gives us a set of circumstances to live out,,Can He trust us to be poor if that's the hand the world has given us?..Not always the question is “Can we trust the Lord”? But can He trust us as wives and mothers? in a less then perfect life.
And growing up my family was middle class,,Dad always had nice cars for our family and a nice home,,Dad always had a good job..But i had decided to live in submission to what my husband cud give me,,i submitted to my husband as unto the Lord,,Jim had taken his place as priest of the home,,and i wanted to obey God as the virtuous wife and mother,,i became a missionary in my home,,And this was as important as going to a foreign country to give my life for Christ,Some of us are called to walk in hard places right now,,But lets show His glory in this place,,Lets not give up until we see His glory,,When our faith is tested in fire and we come out with no smell of smoke upon us then His glory will shine upon us ..and we will glorify God..
love Connie.
